Stolen Ciao Bella: The Most Tantalizing Game of “Clue” Ever

It seems that Colonel Mustard and his dreaded lead pipe has killed the gelato spirits in my freezer. Let me explain: someone has been stealing and eating large quantities of Ciao Bella (particularly the indulgently bold Blackberry Cabernet) out of my freezer, and I’m treating this unfathomable crime like a game of Clue. This is a “whodunit” mystery on a whole different level. I needed to get to the bottom of this.

Fortunately, my mystery was fairly simple to solve. Once I pulled out my imaginary magnifying glass, it was plainly obvious who was stealing the Ciao Bella in the kitchen with the greedy hands. I have two vicious guard dogs that patrol my house, and for their privacy we’ll refer to them as “Mike” and “Jill.” Mike and Jill are actually two 25-pound furry spitfires who bark their cute heads off anytime someone walks through the door. So, it was impossible for an intruder to have stolen my sorbet.

That’s when I narrowed my search down to close friends and family friends. With the aforementioned dog situation, we don’t invite too many people over the house. But, which “close friend” could commit such a horrible crime and eat my precious Ciao Bella? I found my answer to that question the next morning. My sister’s boyfriend, who for his privacy we’ll refer to as “Henry,” had been over the previous night. When I went to snack on the wine-inspired frozen treat, the above picture is what I discovered. A thief who doesn’t spend the time to destroy his own evidence? Shameful. I then realized that Henry had been stealing and eating my Ciao Bella all along, and had eaten 7/8 of a pint of Blackberry Cabernet the night before. He will not soon be forgiven, and I’m holding my sister accountable as an accomplice.

The point of this horror story is to take precaution when you’re storing our gelatos and sorbets. Make sure there aren’t any especially greedy hands in the kitchen, and do your best to hide your favorite like I’m now doing. Poor Henry is now on my bad side (Mike and Jill don’t like him much either), but I think he can make it up to me with a couple free pints of Ciao Bella.